What is change? I was asked that question this week by my youth pastor/ brother. When he said it, I thought I knew exactly what change was, but the more I thought about it, the less and less I realized knew. What is change? What is change to me? But more importantly, what is change to God?

2008 is almost over and this year I have started to become a different person. But the more I push into God, the more the enemy pushes into me. In the last few months, I got into the mind set that said, “I’m just a kid. God can wait. I just wanna have fun and then come to God”.  Let me tell you something, even when you put God on hold he doesn’t put you on hold. He pulls you deeper, He cuts you deeper, He calls for you and His voice is hard to ignore. I wanna share some lyrics with you that when I heard them I realized that this is exactly what me and so many of my friends are going through.

Think I'm gonna walk away You're messing up my life today. This time I refuse to pray Still you keep calling me. I don't wanna see your face The things I love you erased. Nothing but an empty space Now I don't know how to be I know it wasn't right for me. But what you like ain’t what you need. I feel like I'm in surgery. Still you cut deeper. My secrets within My blanket of sin Lord how much longer 'till ya through with me. Please take what you need.

Lord your ways are not my way Every thing you don't explain. Some things I don't want to change So you keep breaking me. It's like I'm fighting for my life, You hit me with another right I feel like Jacob in the night. Won't stop 'till you bless me, My flesh and my will, Is yours now to kill. Presenting myself to You, But living sacrifices move.

I’ve highlighted the words that hit me the hardest. “I think I’m gonna walk away, your messing up my life today”…that’s how I felt. I thought God was messing up

every thing He was messing up my fun, He was messing up my friendships. “ This time I refuse to pray”….I didn’t wanna call on God, I didn’t wanna ask him to help me coz every time I did, things seemed to get even more messed up. “Still you keep calling me”…. God never stops calling, and he knows exactly how to get me. “My secrets within, my blanket of sin”…secrets, such a twisted thing. I don’t like asking for help. I don’t like showing my weaknesses and hurts. My sin, something that happens everyday yet I have a hard time opening up and letting it show. “Lord your ways are not my ways, everything you don’t explain”….that’s something everyone has to learn and God took it to a new level with me when he showed me that He was in control of my life and my friends lives, and I had to back off. God doesn’t have to check with me first, He doesn’t have to run his plan by me before he puts it into action. He doesn’t have to explain Himself to me. “Some things I don’t wanna change”….try most things I don’t wanna change. Like my pastor said some times we aren’t serious about giving God ALL of us, but God is very serious about TAKING all of us. There are parts of me I’ve given to God, but there are also parts of me that I try to hide from Him, parts I’m trying to hold on to for reasons I don’t know. “So you keep breaking me, its like I’m fighting for my life”….it is like I’m fighting for my life, my old life, the life I promised to God.  Why do I try to hold on to it when I’ve already told Him He could have it… why am I fighting for something that no longer belongs to me.

So what is change? Change is starting over, change is realizing that you were wrong in the past. Change is wanting a better future. What is change to me?  Change is giving God control. It’s wiping my past away, forgiving myself and forgiving others. It’s letting go. It’s finally giving God ALL of me, even the parts I don’t wanna change. Change is a new lifestyle, a new mindset, and a new future. What is change to God? Simple it’s exactly what He wants it to be. It’s Him molding us in to who we are meant to be. It’s about Him being in control. 

Dear Father,

Help me to be open to change, help me believe that you have it under control, that you know exactly who I am meant to be. Help me become that person. Keep working in me, keep breaking me, keep molding me. I wanna be able to let go. To give you all of me and not just the parts I want to. Teach me to trust and forgive. Use me in your way to change the world just as you are changing me. Keep me safe and strong for I know I have a long road ahead of me, but I know you will be walking beside me, to call my name when I get lost and to pick me up when I fall down. Thank you Lord, for never giving up and always calling me back to you. AMEN!